It is a blessing to be a part of services of Christian marriage. Each one is an adventure. Here is a story from a service earlier in the year…
One couple set up a meeting with me two weeks before the ceremony was to take place. They had my contact information and knew that they needed to set up a meeting for several months prior. They had also waited until the last two weeks to complete the pre-marital counseling that is a requirement. This usually takes place in a seven week class, but can be arranged in a private session with the psychologist who teaches the class. The couple did not seem to be taking their preparation for marriage very seriously.
I seriously thought about saying that I would not be able to officiate at their marriage – lack of preparation, not taking preparation seriously and several concerns in the times that I did meet with them. I did do the wedding. While I was driving back home after the ceremony, I had a revelation and realized why I was a part of the ceremony.
I believe in prevenient grace. God is at work is at work in one’s life even before they are aware of it. By officiating at services of Christian marriage when one or both of the couple is non or nominally religious, I may be a part of their journey toward becoming deeply committed Christians. As a United Methodist pastor, I should do all of the non-religious weddings possible.
Rev. Andrew Conard 
7 replies on “Adventures in Marriage Officiation – Part 2 of 5”
I’m a believer in prevenient grace for sure… but I also believe in teaching accountability. One of the ways I blend the two is that I don’t make premarital requisites so stringent. Then again, I’m the solo pastor so I can call those kinds of shots. But, if they don’t meet minimal requirements, I don’t do the ceremony. I’m all for doing nominally religious weddings, especially for unchurched/dechurched folks. But I lay down the standards, which like I said, I think are minimal, and if they choose someone else that’s fine. They’re still in my prayers.
Good post series by the way! I might do a spin-off! 🙂
Dan – Thanks for your response. I am glad that you are enjoying the series. I think that you are right. It is a balance between accountability and being open to all. Have you ever said no to a couple? If so, how long before the intended date?
I said no to a couple – it was a few months before the intended date. I had all sorts of reservations with this couple…
I had officiated at the groom-to-be’s brother’s wedding and it was wonderful. The mother of the groom-to-be was one of my youth ministry volunteers. The groom-to-be and his bride-to-be seemed to want to get married, I guess. But they never did make one of our meetings for premarital counseling… Then I was getting moved, and I talked to the groom-to-be and told him that I had reservations about doing the wedding and that I was moving.
The couple did not get married.
Oh, I forgot to add that once I was asked on a Monday to do a wedding for a couple on Friday, and I said Yes…
the Thief – Thanks for your response. I think that a few months would probably be a reasonable time in which to say no. The conversation with the groom-to-be must have taken some courage. Nice job. Monday to Friday – wow.
The only times I’ve had to say no to a couple was at the end of my last appointment. Both were planning weddings for this fall, and I moved a month and a half ago. It was hard to say no, for I had already gotten close with those folks, yet I had to in fairness to my successor.
I have had times when a couple said no to me… and I welcomed it with gladness. Both were friends of ours from college, and both wanted a pretty non-religious ceremony but asked me to officiate because of me being a friend. I was up front with what I would do and not do as a Christian pastor, and both couples said they’d rather go with someone else. I admire that!
Dan – That makes sense with being reappointed. Also, I think that it is great that some have said no to you. I think that you made a good choice to stay with guidelines that you have for yourself. Thanks for sharing!