Comments on: Women Officiating Weddings

By: Matt

Matt — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 12:25:46 +0000

Cool! Thanks for the update.

By: Andrew Conard

Andrew Conard — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 20:53:32 +0000

Update: The couple have contacted the female pastor assigned to move forward with pre-marital sessions and the ceremony.

By: Andrew Conard

Andrew Conard — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 01:43:18 +0000

Wow, this has been great conversation – Thank you for adding value. I want to respond to just a few comments.

Matt – I think that I would use a similar statement / line of reasoning in the example that you put forth.

Allen – I do not know the direct result of the interaction, but will follow up on it and post a comment here when I find out.

Craig – Thanks for sharing your experience at Resurrection. Interesting to hear that the switch took place. Family issues are some of the most difficult ones in a wedding at times…

Chuck – Co-habitation before marriage is another hot topic… I am starting to ruminate on a post about that issue. Thanks

By: Chuck

Chuck — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 06:46:04 +0000

Of course the book of worship isn’t the book of discipline – what is important is the call to celibacy in singleness and faithfulness in marriage. And I am not sure that i concur that moving from co-habitation to marriage is an improvement. In some cases maybe but with a union based on such a fractured background – I would have a very hard time performing such a ceremony in the Church – notice that was my initial objection. Civil marriage maybe, but for folks who are clearly outside the basic teachings of the church regarding sexuality – why marry them in the church?

By: jmeunier

jmeunier — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:50:26 +0000

Chuck, I need to re-read by Book of Worship. I don’t recall the marriage service asking people to make an positive statement about their chastity. I agree we should not encourage co-habitation, but how does marrying people who have co-habitated make matters worse? It seems like an improvement to me.

As for re-Baptism, well, that’s a whole different blog post.

By: Chuck

Chuck — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 16:18:41 +0000

I am also a ardent supporter of Ordaining Women – some of the most important people in my spiritual growth have been female clergy…having said that I tend to think this is a place we should follow Paul’s advice to be all things to all people. For those who are offended by eating meat sacrificed to idols….. etc. In the same way, I think we should actually allow individuals to request either male or female pastors for any particular reason. I just don’t think this is a place we should die on a theological hill. I think much more important is the issue of cohabitation that seems to be rampant even in todays church culture. Should we marry people in the church who are currently co-habitating. I tend to think not. Of course I also think we should allow re-baptism so what do I know

By: Matt

Matt — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 23:22:38 +0000

Again, thanks for bringing up the discussion Andrew. It’s an important issue, and this discussion has been really helpful for me.

By: Laura

Laura — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 03:24:15 +0000

I had this very situation arise at a church, and, thankfully, it led to a revision of the church’s wedding policy when I (a female clergyperson) questioned it. Because the United Methodist Church does ordain women, the church where I was serving decided that people who wanted to be married in the church could not request a particular minister based on gender. Anyone making such a request would be gently reminded of the UM’s affirmation of female clergy. If it is that important to them NOT to have a female officiant, then they should be directed to a church that more closely connects with their theology. We have to speak the truth in love, of course, but not to speak the truth is a giant step backwards on this issue. Kudos to your colleague for his response!

By: Craig

Craig — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:12:44 +0000

This situation happend to my wife and I at COR about 4 years ago. I am from a Catholic background and she is from a Methodist background. We met with the femail pastor assigned to us to express our concerns. I did not care the pastor was a female, but I had enough concerns regarding my family as I was getting married in a Methodist church as opposed to a Catholic one. I did not want to throw another issue out there. After we agreed to think about it, we actually agreed that she should do the wedding because we thought she would do great. But then she changed her mind and said she that it was probably better to have a male do it. We were a bit surpsied at the turnaround. While I understand it is important to show that women can do all pastoral things men do, I think you are overlookiing the role of the church. If there is a member that is actively involved in the church and they wish to have a male pastor on what is the biggest day of their lives so far, I don’t think this is the appropriate time to make the point about women pastors.

By: Allen Ewing-Merrill

Allen Ewing-Merrill — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:35:33 +0000

Andrew: Thanks for this post. I think your colleague’s response is very solid. I assume from his response that it was explicitly a matter of gender, rather than just a preference due to the couple’s previous connection with one pastor. It’s bold of him – and I mean bold in the best sense, as in the boldness of a prophet – to use this particular situation to name the justice issues inherent in his parishioners’ request and to challenge their views. In terms of approach, I might have chosen to have a face-to-face conversation rather than to respond by e-mail, only because I’ve learned the hard way about the limitations of e-mail in addressing sensitive issues – but still, I think his response is solid. I’m curious to know the outcome.

As half of a clergy couple, like you, this is an issue I’ve come across a few times, especially since Sara and I have begun to share ministry in the same congregation. We’ve never had requests like this around weddings or funerals, although I could see this coming up. There are times when parishioners request to speak with me or with Sara, but I think it has much more to do with how well they have connected with one or the other of us, mostly due to personality or affinity, or even due to our particular giftedness for certain areas of ministry. I honor those requests and trust the Spirit’s leading (in our lives and the lives of our parishioners) as we share ministry. If I thought there were justice issues – i.e. it were all about Sara’s gender, or mine, for that matter – I would challenge them.